The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
