whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
