Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
