3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
