my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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