JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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