Already got asked if we're dating
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it's like iHOP with fire
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
