Well douche your snatch and let's go!
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
