i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
