I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
