coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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