God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
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