The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
