I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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