I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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