today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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