i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
