he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
