my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
