So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
