I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
