Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
