Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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