It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
