yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
