guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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