Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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