ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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