OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize