everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You smell like stripper and shame
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
