i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She bit a glass in half.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
