I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
