I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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