Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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