He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
