So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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