So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
