Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
