this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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