I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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