oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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