I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
and you fell through a lawn chair
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