Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
