in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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