So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
