I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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