I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
