Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
