She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
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Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
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She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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