i permit you to call me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
