so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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