It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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