I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
