Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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