Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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