who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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