that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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