I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
