I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
