Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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