No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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