hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
