been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
