i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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