I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
