Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
