These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
In other news, I just burned my penis
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
