He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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