He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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