I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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