Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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