Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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