2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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