I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
