I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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