Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
