I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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