Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
