His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
