Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think my moral compass just broke
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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