get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
